Two more class presentations this week, both on Thursday. Tomorrow is prep for the more important one, so I wanted to review a related videotape in advance.

I turned on the TV and was ready to insert the cassette when I heard a woman: “I work when I choose to, and for just a few hours a day I can make $10,000 a week. That’s good money.” Sure it is, the host agreed.

The channel was very fuzzy (the antenna amplifier was off) but I knew an infomercial when I heard it. The outlandish claim of $10k/wk inspired me to turn on the amp to see the magic product. (I could just barely discern a logo’s outline in the lower left. Was it Carleton Sheets? Don Lapre?)

Nope. It was some weird-ass talk show called The Rob Nelson Show. Her “work”? Legalized prostitution.

Promos for the following segments included a woman who would run over her mother for $1m (surprise guest: her mother), and a man raising money on his website to chop off his own foot. With a guillotine, natch.

I gotta start going to bed earlier.

OK. I have to do some disclaiming up front, so bear with me.

For no reason, I was thinking about B-don‘s wish (expressed some time ago) to open two images in a viewer at the same time to “compare.” I found a good possibility through a search that included the phrase “side-by-side.” But that cost money, and we had actually discussed using the Windows Picture and Fax Viewer to do the same thing.

1. I searched again and came upon a Hacking Windows XP page. There I learned the default disk defragmenter in Win2K (and XP) was created by a company “controlled” by Scientology. (This caused huge controversy in Germany in 2000.)
2. From there, I clicked through to Operation Clambake, the fight against Scientology on the Net. (Aside: What is Tom Cruise thinking?)
3. The “Blocked by Wayback Machine” image caught my eye and a click took me to Yale Law‘s LawMeme.
4. From LawMeme, I was reminded of ChillingEffects.org, a site that posts cease & desist orders relating to the DMCA. I read the specific Xenu letter.
5. Then I started clicking around and I found this one.
6. And, well, the infringing site now redirects to another site that has a scary, scary option on its navigation: Before and After photos.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

Update: Less than 15 minutes after I wrote this, I got a spam (allegedly) from <penispills@penisgrowth.com>. Too funny.

The site continues to entertain international visitors. Through yesterday, people from 44 countries, from Argentina to the UK, had stopped by (presumably briefly.)

More surprising, I discovered even my building has a real international contingent. In its less than 20 apartments, natives of India, Hong Kong, Kuwait, UAE, and South Korea can be found. Vive la difference!

Update: Check out the Self-Stroking Ego International Visitors List for a more current count.

I never took the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery in high school. If I remember correctly, the lower half of the senior class took it, while the upper half took the PSAT/NMSQT. Or maybe I just skipped that day.

I remember hearing stories of people being diagnosed as a mechanic or hairdresser (hmm, maybe not hairdresser) after taking the test. Of course, I wondered what the test would reveal for me.

So I searched Google and clicked through to the first sample test I found. It’s certainly not the hardest test I’ve taken (even allowing for its intended 17yo audience) but the more disturbing part is all the positive reinforcement you get: click a few answers and watch the JavaScript pop-ups fly. (Especially amusing in the “coding speed” section on page 2.)

Somehow I think the “you can do it!” stuff doesn’t carry over into basic training.

That’s what Matt said after I dropped in on his Math 151 section this afternoon. But how could I not? If your good friend is teaching a weekly recitation, it’s almost your duty to see him at work. Even if it’s math.

What’s the hot Christmas gift this season? A stroll through a certain department store reveals plenty of players of the digital variety.

In fact, I counted over 230 DVD players on the top shelves — not the regular shelves, these were over and above those — with 112 of one Memorex model alone. That figure also omits the DVD+VCR players, though god knows why you’d want one of those.

I hope Target‘s (corporate) buyers are right and DVD is going to continue to grow. At this price point ($90s), it sure seems likely. Best Buy even has a shitty player for 58 bucks.

I went to Target for headache supplies. I wasn’t sure what to get, as ibuprofren is hard on your liver (or is it acetaminophen? but that’s easy on your stomach?) or whatever.

I decided simple aspirin was the ticket, because you’re supposed to take that to prevent heart attacks or something anyway. (Plus it fits with my theory on butter: yeah, maybe it’s all fat, but it’s been around forever. The body’s gotta be used to it. Forget that newfangled margarine.)

So I stood at the shelf, agog:
Three hundred coated 325 mg. tablets of Bayer aspirin: $ 9.49
Three hundred coated 325 mg. tablets of Target aspirin: $ 2.39

Who the hell is buying that Bayer? was all I could think. The active ingredients [on that page it’s $11.99!] are identical, save for triacetin, but that’s just a “plasticizer.”

I know it’s just aspirin, but I think the question goes to the heart of the American shopping experience. Why hasn’t Bayer been laughed out of the store? Do product attributes even matter anymore?

Maybe the powers that be at eBay didn’t like my comments on the site’s fugliness.

It’s not bloody likely, but I’m having a hard time determining why my internet connection was painfully, brutally slow this afternoon — just as the clock for an R2 QaF DVD I wanted expired.

I’d been watching the auction for possible use in my Visual Comm. class next week. I even e-mailed the seller asking him if he could ship it to me in time, provided I won the auction. He said it wouldn’t be a problem, so I went to bed until 4 (headache theraphy.)

When I got up, my browser couldn’t complete a page. The progress bar crawled, never making 50% — in either IE or my primary browser, Phoenix. I turned off images and still got no love, even from Google. Desperate, I called people I knew with broadband. Jennifer was working, Matt}] and B didn’t answer their phones, Carole was at home preparing for a party… I was fucked.

Finally, I got some of the page to load (not the bidding part, mind you, just the top) and it was possible for me to see… “This auction has ended.”

Dude, Meg, I’m sorry.

There was another paper due this morning at 9.30a. I drove down from Dodge about 5 yesterday and, as per usual, did everything but write it. I checked e-mail, remixed the JSP tree (old school version) and chatted with B.

I finally started it around 5, and wrapped just before 7 (wasted way too much time putting a digital version of my signature on the 6th page — long story.) I’d had a bit of a headache all day, but by that time it was raging. I couldn’t stand up or really move my head too much without throbbing pain — and coughing or sneezing was agony.

Fortunately, I have a formal headache abatement plan. The procedure is as follows:

1. Use all available materials (subject to energy and general laziness) to simulate cave-like darkness in sleeping area.
2. Consume a minimum of 3 analgesics with at least 20 oz. of water.
3. Remove contact lenses.
4. Retire to the sleeping area with a cold compress consisting of a damp washcloth with no fewer than 3 crushed ice cubes.
5. Sleep. Three hours is a start, a night is better.

It’s always worked well for me.

I think I’ve found a T-shirt that screams “B-don‘s X-mas present.” Alright, truth be told this is more his thing. (Its product code is even “B.”)

Also a little something that’s so Pech. (If you’re not Pech, you probably won’t get it.)

Plus, for the girl who saw Glitter with me (not named to protect you from embarassment), there’s this little lovely.

Of course, the home page of that store is a gift to me.

Disney usually has a ball at Thanksgiving with animated features, but Treasure Planet was eclipsed. The cartoon took just $12m for the weekend and only $16.5m for the 5-day. That’s a #4 showing, right behind the other Disney offering, The Santa Clause 2, which was up 20% over last weekend.

The big winners were no surprise: James and Harry again duked it out for the number one spot. Bond took the 5-day with $46.3m (vs. HP: $45.8m), but Potter owned the weekend, with $32.2m, or just a million and change over Die Another Day.

Again, 8 mile showed it won’t go the distance, dropping another 30% this weekend. And though I was almost sure this would be the weekend I would write “The Wedding has finally let out,” that movie posted a 12% gain to collect $4.1m, despite the fact that 328 fewer theaters were showing it this weekend. It now stands at $210.7m, a sensational take that puts it well within striking range of Goldmember, the #4 picture of the year ($213.1m.) I can’t think of a more fitting “film” to be knocked down by an indie…

I forgot my laundry.

First, it must be said: eBay is one of the ugliest sites out there. It’s definitely the worst-looking in the top 25 most popular sites.

I can only speculate that eBay is deliberately cultivating this thrown-together feel. It’s been over a year since I saw Meg Whitman on a BusinessWeek/CSPAN special complimenting Amazon by saying “They have a wonderful user interface.” Whitman is one sharp operator, so if they haven’t overhauled the look, it must be working.

Perhaps they think it would be a fruitless exercise when the sellers create 90% of the product page content. Not everyone is an artist, and sometimes the products themselves are weirdly ugly.

Other times you just have to wonder about the sellers. I was doing a search for “Linksys wireless” on a whim, and I came upon a USB adapter. The seller noted:

My son went off to college, taking his computer with him. I am hoping he stays in school, so I am selling the adapter.

I was amused, so I clicked to see what else the man was selling. The fun items include a Browning pistol barrel, an inside-the-waistband holster, and a bullet velocity measurer.

If I were the son, I’d be looking to stay in college, too. Far, far away.

(I’m giving the built-in thumbnail/pop-up generation functions a try.)

I have a very extensive Amazon.com purchasing history. In the 2001 calendar year, I made an order every 11 calendar days, on average. I’ve been a customer since May 4, 1997.

Given this wealth of data, my recommendations are often interesting. Not that they’re always on the mark; sometimes I find myself confused at the correlation.

Take this Memento recommendation. Sure, it’s a good movie, and yes, I would consider buying it if my brother didn’t own it. But how does my ownership of The Handbook of Usability Testing predict of my taste in this matter? Do usability professionals dig indie film? Does Jakob love Y Tu Mama Tambien?

You got me.

Advertising is complicated. Sometimes you’re not selling the product, you’re selling the sizzle. And, I guess, sometimes you’re not selling the laptop, you’re selling the freakyscary bug-eyed guy who’s staring right at you.

What better way to support your message than with weird letters that go from fat to thin across the words? That typographic effect combined with a freaky stare has sure worked before.