As of 1 Sep, residents of all U.S. States are eligible to request a free credit report from each of the major national agencies via AnnualCreditReport.com. I decided to take the plunge, and found the experience to be satisfactory.

I chose to get just one report (from Equifax) and at first I found the information a bit overwhelming — the information is divided into categories (e.g., Personal Information, Credit Summary, Account Information, Inquiries, Collections, etc…) and you must click through a sidebar to reach the different sections.

Fortunately, you can choose the “print this page” link to get a summary view, which I scanned and discovered that:

• my birthday is wrong,
• a credit card I cancelled is still listed as open,
• I supposedly got a Discover Card at age 9 (now where did I put that?), and
• in a truly amazing act of foresight, I apparently opened a J.C. Penney charge account two years before I was born.

On the bright side, at least everything is $0, as it should be.

So I’m checking out The Onion’s new look. Very grid-y, but I like it. Anyway, there’s this box at the bottom with sponsored links:

Look at the bottom left link: “The War At Home begins Sep 11 on FOX.” When I read that, I paused and thought “holy shit, what war? Where?” Then I realized: duh, it’s just some stupid TV show.

But even so, is premiering a comedy called “The War At Home” on September freakin’ 11th really a smart move, fellas?

One month ago, I quoted an e-mail from Blockbuster saying I had to return outstanding discs “by Saturday, October 1, 2005 in order for you to avoid additional charges.”

They lied.

In tonight’s e-mail:

Hello, J,

We have completed your request to cancel your BLOCKBUSTER Onlineâ„¢ 2 month free trial, Unlimited rents membership on Monday, August 1, 2005.

However, our records indicate Osama has not been received, and we have charged your payment card [redacted] $21.19.

If you have already returned the movie, you will be refunded the $21.19 less a $0.00 restocking fee. If you feel you have been billed in error, please contact Customer Care at 1-866-692-2789 between 9 a.m. and 7 p.m. CST Monday through Friday.

Thanks,
BLOCKBUSTER Online Customer Care

I don’t think it all unreasonable to expect that borrowed discs be returned within 30 days of cancellation. I think that’s rather generous, actually. But don’t go telling your customers they have 60 days and then change your mind. That makes you either unprofessional, incompetent, or both.

(As an aside, the other thing that truly annoys me about this error is that the relationship is entirely electronic. How am I supposed to convince a skeptical customer service rep that their systems are actually in error? An easily forged print-out of the e-mail? I have no hard copy of the message, so it’s just a small step up from my word against theirs…)

Here’s a cropped frame from a banner ad in Yahoo’s “Talk to Win” campaign (original here):

From what I understand, you can win trips somewhere by doing something. That’s fine. Here’s what I don’t get:

1. Why is Des Moines written as “Demoines”?
2. Why is “Demoines” roughly where MSP is located?
3. Most importantly, who the hell would want a free trip to Des Moines?

I mean, yay Iowa and stuff, but really.

The past ten days have been quite emotional for me and my extended families: on the one side, we had a wedding; on the other, a death.

Were I a better, more sensitive writer, I might plumb my feelings on these topics and use them as the basis for posts, perhaps on mortality, relationships, or even on being an atheist when everyone around you is praying for happiness and/or peace.

Sadly, (or perhaps fortunately?) I’m not that good, so now that I’m getting back to posting you’ll just have to expect my usual tech-infused bloviating.

Even in times of turmoil, some things never change.

Now doesn’t that just suck:

Plasma screen TV manufacturers warn consumers of warranty limitations in the event of “screen burn” — literally, an unfortunate casualty wherein the [television network] logo becomes permamently “burned” into the screen as a consequence of the TV being left on the same station for too long.
—Why Bugs Don’t Belong on TV, Design Observer

Ugh, imagine your $7,000 TV with a permanent NBC logo, no matter what you’re actually watching…

Bought some milk today. Brought it home and noticed the expiration date was unusually specific:

The other gallon was similar. That’s the first time I’ve seen an expiration that includes a time as well.

I’m thinking it probably doubles as a way to trace the manufacturing lot backwards. That, or it’s just some really precise milk.

I’ve been behind on a lot of things lately: “blogging” (ugh, still hate that word), e-mail, 6FU… Guess what I decided to catch up on?

Yep, that’s right, last night I watched 4 straight hours of “Six Feet Under” — after which I just want to say 3 little words: Ho. Lee. Crap. This is turning out to be a hell of a season.

And I’m not just saying that because they included a shot of Keith reading my book:

Awhile ago, Kottke posted about a set of greeting cards, a representative example of which appears below:

Card text:

Cover
You are the one I never thought existed…My soulmate…

Inside
I had no idea how much my life could change when I met you…a once in a lifetime love. We finally found each other, but our commitments to our other lives keep us apart. You are a part of everything that I think and do and feel… with you by my side I believe that anything is possible.

No matter what the future brings…I know that you are the one true and real love of my life.

I can’t imagine a deeper love with anyone else.

Catch that “our other lives” bit? This card (“Passion”) is from the “Secret Lover Collection” of cards specifically for people having affairs.

I’m no prude, but this whole concept drives me crazy. I would be crushed if I was in what I thought was a loving relationship only to find out my partner had been calling someone else “the one true and real” love the whole time (and using pre-printed cards to do it — how tacky.)

But maybe these cards are for those people who are stepping out due to deterioriating marriages or other lousy primary relationships. If that’s the case, all the more reason to cut the cord. For those who say their religion doesn’t allow it, I say: time to find a new one.

In fact, time for anyone who has reason to use these cards to quit being a fucking coward.

Microsoft has announced that the successor to Windows XP will be known as “Windows Vista” when it finally arrives.

Now call me a geek, but I always thought it was just simpler to use version numbers. See, while the marketing names might sound good at first, they just get unmanageable after they start doing security updates and changes (is “Windows XP with Service Pack 2” really preferable to “Windows 5.2”?)

On the other hand, at least Microsoft makes an effort. I was just doing a Google search for RFID products and discovered the Zebra 110XiIIIPlus.

Someone want to tell me how that is pronounced? The “one-ten ex eye three plus”? Or is it “one-ten X eye eye eye eye plus”? Or… seriously, what the hell?

Perhaps the Zebra folks have been taking a cue from Pentax, who released a camera line called “*ist.” The *ist DS (starist? asteriskist?) could be a great camera, but how will people find that out? Billboards? Commercials that just silently show the logo? I wouldn’t count on word of mouth, fellas…

My rule of thumb is this: when you’re naming a product, company, or service (or choosing a domain name) imagine yourself mentioning it to a friend on the phone. Do you have to spell anything out? Do you have to repeat it? Are you afraid you’re pronouncing it incorrectly? Does it take too long? If the answer to any of these is ‘yes’, do us all a favor and head back to the drawing board.

And if that’s not enough motivation, read this McSweeney’s article a few times.

Bonus observation: To bring it to the next level, consider your URLs. The software suggested placing this page at “jsp dot org slash 2005 slash 07 slash 26 slash from hyphen the hyphen stupid hyphen product hyphen name hyphen department”, I opted for something shorter.

As one small part of its CLEAR database project, the Chicago Police have started providing photos online of those arrested “for either patronizing or soliciting for prostitution.”

The intent is to shame them, of course, and it’s hardly novel (to take but one example, Georgia publishes the names of repeat DUI offenders) or even, I’ll bet, terribly effective. After all, though that page has been viewed more than half a million times (that retro counter’s a nice touch, eh?) how many people will actually make a point to visit the CPD site that frequently?

Far more interesting — and worrying — are new impromptu groups, many made possible by camera phones nearly as ubiquitious as the Internet, which spring up around some particular place or issue. These can be relatively benign, as when Yahoo! employees photograph co-workers who park poorly, or slightly more worrying, as with The Shitty Tippers Database.

But things can also tip out of hand, as the woman who will long be known as “Dog Poop Girl” learned after failing to clean up after her pooch on the subway. As her image and then personal details appeared on the Internet, some saw it as just desserts, others as an invasion of privacy.

How far should we go? Where’s the line between collective coaxing and harassment? I have no idea. But isn’t it interesting that as far as the “surveillance society” is concerned, you might have less to fear from the man behind the curtain than from the kid over there with the RAZR.

As you’ve no doubt surmised, I’m sort of taking this week off. Between the depressing London bombings and a serious family illness, I’ve been feeling a tad drained. I’ll be back to my usual tricks in a few days.

I’m thinking about starting a new category of posts: “I Call Bullshit.” Crude, perhaps, but there’s no other way to describe some of the wankery being foisted upon the general public these days.

Take “Your Credit Card Companies.” In today’s “Newsweek”, they have a message for you:

click image to enlarge

Put another way: “it’s not us, it’s you.” Yes, despite ChoicePoint’s recent sale of private data to a criminal front organization, Citi’s loss of 3.9 million accountholders’ personal data, and the theft of untold account numbers from CardSystems, a company that wasn’t supposed to be keeping the data anyway, Your Credit Card Companies would like you to know that it’s more often your own damn fault for not watching your purse, wallet, or mailbox.

Not to worry, though: Your Credit Card Companies are “proactive”, which in this case means they’ll check your credit report when you apply! Amazing! If there’s a “fraud or victim alert” on your account, they’ll even call you directly.

Of course, they’d rather you not think too hard about how that alert is supposed to get there. While all card issuers have fraud detection measures, Your Credit Card Companies (and Their Credit Bureaus) don’t give you any way to help them work — unless you’re willing to pay, of course. Shell out for services such as MBNA PrivacyAssist ($9.99/mo) or Equifax CreditWatch Gold ($9.95/mo) and you can at least see your credit reports, a definite improvement.

Still, even with your $100+/yr investment, it would be smart to watch your mailbox. Their nebulous “privacy” services won’t do anything to staunch the flow of pre-approved applications, convenience checks, and all number of solicitations for new financial products.

Though this ad mentions your mailbox, it conveniently omits the main reason it’s a danger: the companies themselves. The truth is this is an idustry that has shown itself woefully incapable of self-regulation. If we’re to get serious about identity “theft” (I prefer the term “impersonation”), we’re going to need new laws, new practices, and new tools. I have some ideas for those, which I’ll share in a subsequent post, but I’m not holding my breath. We might need to wait for a few members of Congress to fall victim to fraudulent transactions before we’ll see real change.

Congress has made a few baby steps in the right direction, however. The Fair Credit Reporting Act “requires each of the nationwide consumer reporting companies to provide you with a free copy of your credit report, at your request, once every 12 months.” (Available now in most states; everywhere from 1 Sep ’05.) By staggering your requests, it’s possible to keep a fairly close eye on your credit reports.

It’s also a great idea to opt out of “pre-approved” credit and insurance offers. Visit OptOutPreScreen.com and fill out the form. I recommend “permanent” removal, which has resulted in a nice decrease in mail around here. (If you ever start to feel as though your current credit card is not up to snuff, you can always use comparison services such as BankRate.com to find a new one.)

Through these simple steps, you’ll be at least better equipped to hang on until that glorious day when Your Credit Card Companies realize that mailboxes and databases are in fact two separate things — and they both need protecting.

Taken from An Open Letter to the Kansas School Board, which also explains the importance of His Noodly Appendage, a phrase that still makes me laugh every time I read it…

That’s a small investment if you’re Tom Cruise, who now demands $20 million per movie, or some of the other marquee names affiliated with the church, including actors John Travolta and his wife, Kelly Preston, Kirstie Alley and Jason Lee, musicians Beck, Lisa Marie Presley and Chick Corea, and Fox News anchor Greta Van Susteren. — Missionary Man

Beck’s a Scientologist? Why wasn’t I told? Not that I really care about the man, but he always sort of amused me. Now I’m seeing him in a whole new light. (And I’ve always like Jason Lee.)

By the way, is it just me or did LRH just have a whole Bond villian thing going? Originally I had him pegged as sitting around with some of his writer buddies making a bet on who could start a religion, but that was before I knew about the yacht:

Check out the seal on that puppy (bigger pic) — can’t you just picture Ronny sitting in there, stroking a cat and purring “the volcanoes will erupt soon, my pet…” Fine, it probably wasn’t around when Hubbs was, but I still can totally imagine him on it.

Even the ship’s stated purpose — the isolation of followers to receive the highest level of training — sounds creepy.

Evading jurisdictions, anyone?