I was surprised to learn that Weird Al has to get permission to make his parodies. Michael Jackson allowed “Eat It”, Madonna allowed “Like A Surgeon”, but Eminem Won’t Let ‘Weird Al’ Parody Video for 8 Mile.

I find this behavior to be just a tad bit hypocritical from an artist who mocked Moby in his own work — and I’m sure that was without permission. But what does this say about copyright? Could there be any artist on Earth whose work is more clearly parody than Weird Al’s? I submit there is not.

Dell sells tens of millions of dollars worth of equipment every day on their Website. That must mean they’re doing something right. Sadly, it’s not usability research. The site’s “configurator” has always had some annoying little quirks.

Consider this printer option form (shown at 90%):

First, assuming you want a Dell-branded Lexmark printer (which you probably don’t, given how expensive the proprietary cartridges are), you can pick it. But then, wait, what’s this next thing? “Remember to choose a pre-loaded printer driver”? Huh? What the hell kind of dumb statement is that? Why must I “remember”? What is “pre-loaded,” anyway? Is that like “loaded”?

It’s not just the way it’s asked (though much better approaches do exist) but the fact that they ask at all. When would anyone ever choose not to install a driver? Why doesn’t Dell ship all their computers with both drivers? It all reeks of something used to trigger an item on an installer’s list. If they’re going to pre-install MusicMatch without a “None” option, they can damn sure put some drivers on. They won’t hurt anything.

The same can’t be said for the annoying way they’re pushing USB cables. A cable is certainly required to connect a printer, but twenty bucks for a Dell house brand? I think not.

Update [02:48]: While we’re on the subject of clarity, I think B puts it best: “what the fuck is advanced exchange?” (The Help text doesn’t.)

Update [02:57]: Ahh, it’s a stupid marketing term for “ship you a replacement.” (Have to read the footnotes.) And how nice it sounds: “Replacement system or replacement part will be dispatched, if necessary, following phone-based troubleshooting, in advance of receipt of returned defective part or system. Replacements may be refurbished. Defective unit must be returned. Availability varies. Other conditions apply.” So, to sum up: your replacement — if available — may be used and subject to other conditions. What a warranty! This is sounding almost as good as paying for shorter hold times.

As my fellow ISU graduates/attendees are aware, our Webmail system sucks. For the longest time I didn’t use it at all, but I finally gave in because I like the protection afforded by SSL when I am away from my Kerberos-enabled e-mail client.

I’ve found the Webmail system can be painfully slow at times, not just in speed but also in interface. For example:

You got all that? A screenful of generic words that tell you nothing. (What folder am I deleting, any idea?) It gets worse: for those who don’t use the “fast” mode, this message displays with frames (!) and clunky button graphics that are dutifully downloaded each time (instead of about 20 bytes of code to have the Web browser make one.)

If I were doing it, here’s how I’d remake that same message:

It’s less than a third of the words, yet it provides more information. Also note the renaming of the “Continue” button. I think it is far more intuitive to label buttons with the actions they will trigger (the Mac OS model) than just a generic question answer.

Next up: an interface foible non-ISU people can actually see for themselves. (Aren’t you excited?)

Target thought I might enjoy a $5 discount on a Swiffer WetJet, so they dropped me an e-mail today to let me know about it.

They were mistaken.

I gave the unsubscribe link a click and jumped through the necessary hoops, to be informed that they’re happy to help:

We are happy to remove your name from our e-mail list. Please be aware that removal may take up to 30 days. We apologize if you receive an e-mail in the meantime.

Now I have a little bit of knowledge in this area. I might not be able to tell you why it takes 6-8 weeks to start a magazine subscription, 4-6 weeks to get a free game piece, or a lifetime for a rebate check, but databases, I know about. E-mail, I know about.

I know it doesn’t take 30 days to update a database, especially not one run by a third-party company specializing in (legit) commercial bulk e-mail. Database updates are measured in minutes (admittedly, sometimes hundreds of minutes), not weeks. Let’s hope that on- and off-line marketers will stop claiming otherwise.

Get this:

RABAT (Reuters) – King Mohammed of Morocco celebrated the birth of a son and heir on Thursday by ordering the release of more than 9,000 prisoners from Morocco’s crowded jails, one of the biggest royal pardons in the country’s history. — Morocco and Algeria Free Prisoners to Mark Birth

OK, let me say at the outset that I’m trying not to let my experiences in Morocco influence my judgment in this matter. That said — huh? What’s going on here? The king celebrates a new son by allowing 9,000 convicted criminals to go free and then reducing the sentences of another forty thousand?

Turns out Morocco’s jails are horrendously overcrowded, so maybe he was casting about for a pretense. Perhaps he was sending the petty crime offenders home. Yet in neighboring Algeria, they’re jumping on the bandwagon for no other reason than to commemorate the birthday of the Prophet Mohammed. Five thousand prisoners will be freed, and it sounds as if they’re not all lightweights: “The Algerian amnesty … included some inmates sentenced to life but not those jailed for terrorism, corruption, drug trafficking or rape, the radio said.”

In for murder? Pack your bags!

News.com reports that Microsoft’s next operating system may protect sensitive information windows from being forged by putting personalized details in the edges. (The example was dogs’ names: “A hacker can create a spoof page with dogs’ names running along the border but, in all likelihood, not one reading ‘Buffy, Skip and Jack Daniels–and in that order,’ Biddle said.”) A simlar idea has already been implemented in the Verified by Visa program, which displays a message unique to each cardholder in its pop-up screen.

I think it’s a smart approach, but for me it only emphasizes how poor the security cues are in current-generation Web browsers. A small padlock or key in the status area is insufficient as a cue for something as important as encryption. Perhaps the entire location block should change color for secured sites, in addition to the padlock (which would remain to help visually impaired users.)

When it comes to important transactions, I see no benefit in making security subtle.

My father spent today in Sioux City at a board meeting. He came back from the return flight with news that the people of Sioux City are working to get their FAA designation changed.

It seems they don’t feel that SUX really captures the spirit of Sioux City. As they are the former home of Gateway, I can’t think of a more appropriate moniker. Yet it seems they’re not happy with anything:

This is not the first time Sioux City has tried to get rid of the SUX designator. In the ’80s, the city asked the FAA to change the code, Januska said, and it almost happened. But Sioux City was not overwhelmingly enthusiastic about the replacement options the FAA gave it, and decided to stay with what it had.

“One option the FAA gave Sioux City in the ’80s was to change the identifier to GAY,” Januska said, without comment. — a Chicago Tribune story, as reprinted by a site that has no trouble with SUX at all

For any number of reasons, I haven’t read a paper newspaper in a very long time. So this afternoon when I picked up the Register, I naturally celebrated our reunion by turning to the all-important comics page.

It was I remembered. There was some mildly amusing stuff, a consistently excellent strip or two, and then the rest. And of the rest, the worst seemed to have one thing in common: they were all a single panel.

So on the basis of this data, allow me to offer my own plan for comics page reform. Its basis is one simple precept: prohibit comics that (usually) contain a single panel.

Note this plan has two corollaries. One: Brad Anderson has a lifetime ban. A decision to convert his strip to multiple panels (as in the Sunday edition) is insufficient for inclusion on any page, ever. Two: should Gary Larson decide to restart his strip, he, too, should not be included on the comics page.

He should be on the front page.

Two articles in the Times movie mailing caught my eye. There’s news that Blockbuster Decides to Go Online, a move that will bring them into direct competition with Netflix and Walmart.com. (The interesting part: Blockbuster will use its stores as distribution centers. That’s going to be a fun exercise in transportation, logistics, and inventory management.)

The more intriguing story was on Malkovich. In Being Any Number of Versions of the Self He Has Invented, the New York Times Magazine profiles the man, and it’s fascinating stuff: He lives in France full-time, in a home that features many pieces he designed directly or commissioned. He worked as a catwalk model. His directorial debut is now in distribution, though the production company hates it. He lost 60lbs. by subsisting solely on Jell-O. He… well, just read it. An interesting life.

May is music month at Apple, and Steve Jobs kicked it off early today with the introduction of a new, slimmer series of iPods and iTunes 4.

The iPod is as slick as ever, but it’s the new music service that has really caught my eye. Here’s a legal music offering that has no subscription requirements, a fairly decent price (99¢/track, $9.99/album) and — most important — allows you to burn CDs.

Jobs & Co. have managed to pull together 200,000 tracks from the Big 5 labels and are offering them with album art and 30-sec previews for 1-Click buying. For now, the service is only available on Macs; a Windows version will come later this year.

It will be fascinating to see how the market responds to this offering. (And the new commercials. My favorite: a youngster does Lose Yourself. Not that he could have seen the movie, of course. It was rated R!)

I spent the last few days at home, ensuring the baby was recovering nicely from surgery. I got back a few minutes ago and ducked my head in the fridge to see what options I had for munchies.

Here’s what I found:

• 1 gallon Hy-Vee skim milk
• 1 2L Hawaiian Punch (the red one, not the skanky new ones)
• 1 10oz. jar Smuckers Simply Fruit strawberry jam
• 1 10oz. jar Cascadian Farms Organic Apricot jelly
• 1 8oz. bottle Hy-Vee Organic Italian salad dressing
• 1 9oz. squeeze bottle Hy-Vee yellow mustard
• 1 24oz. bottle Heinz ketchup
• 1 28oz. jar Arrowhead Mills Certified Organic Smooth Valencia Peanut Butter
• 2 12oz. bottles Leinenkugel’s Northwoods lager
• 1 8oz. jar Hoffman House cocktail sauce
• 1 8oz. container Organic Valley organic mozzarella cheese

Milk, juice, cheese, condiments. That’s it. Well, and beer…

Boy, I’m really getting the hang of this apartment living thing.

I just lowered my credit card APR by 6 percentage points. On a Saturday.

All it took was a few minutes on hold and a few seconds of conversation. I asked to cancel, was transferred to an account manager, asked again, and then laid it on the line: I got better offers in the mail almost daily. What were they going to do about it?

I don’t plan to carry a balance on the card, but it’s still a great idea to let the shitty economy work my way for once.

(Aside: When I transferred to the other rep, she didn’t need to ask for any of my information. I love it when phone systems are non-retarded.)

In today’s installment of our continuing series, we have remedial math:

Ok, fellas, the little greater-than sign means… greater than. So if you have a “hundred plus” templates for “greater than $100” that means that no, it sure isn’t less than $1 per template.

Maybe it’s time for Presentation Math 50.

(Note: the version of the ad shown here differs from the original version. Only the frames relevant to this critique have been excerpted.)

Update [01:06]: Chad writes that it’s possible to get 110 templates for $101, thus achieving the promised ratio. I could say that I concede that possibility even though the advertiser doesn’t sell anything over $100, but instead I choose to distract him with this picture of a hot guy.

Wired calls it the Gadget-Heavy Audi, and one glance at the feature list backs that up. But hold on, what’s this?

The car’s twin LCD panels are part of Audi’s multimedia interface that adds more than a dash of geekiness to the dashboard. … A8 L owners in Germany can receive television broadcasts through their LCDs, but U.S. safety laws prevent that option from being offered here.

What? Television in the dash? Somebody needs to high-tail it to an Awareness Tent.

Happy (20th) birthday to you.

And many more…