Pray at the Pump
I’ve never really been able to get my head around why anyone would ever want to be a conservative. Even if you forget the pessimism and retrenchment inherent with a philosophy that pines always for the past, there’s still no getting around the simple concept that this is a way of thinking that says “we wouldn’t dream of telling you where to put your money, but we will lecture you on where to put your dick.” (Or other organ(s), as the case may be.)
Case in point: beginning last month, Team Bush began making noise about a $1.5 billion plan to promote marriage. The Bushies consider the timing fortuitous because at the same time they’re “defending” marriage from people who love each other, they’re also reviving the tired “compassionate conservative” tripe as they teach those who (it seems) don’t know about marriage. Like, apparently, black people:
This year, administration officials said, Mr. Bush will probably visit programs trying to raise marriage rates in poor neighborhoods.
“The president loves to do that sort of thing in the inner city with black churches, and he’s very good at it,” a White House aide said.
I’m sure the impoverished among the nation’s African-Americans will be quite keen on having the President suddenly recognize they exist — so he can lecture them on how to live their lives.
Which is a real shame, because there are many other ways to invest the money that would result in real benefits for society, without dictating personal relationships. Just one example: $1.5 billion would more than double the amount Bush pledged in his 2003 State of the Union for research into alternative fuels. Yes, we’re to spend more on “suggested” marriage than on research to wean ourselves from a petroleum dependency that has broad-reaching economic, geopolitical, and enivronmental impact. Just ask the Pentagon.
Of course, trying to tell that to our failed Texas oilman is a lost cause. So I propose the scientists rename their project. Instead of saying that we’re trying to make America a leader in fuel cells, we should tell Bush we’re investigating ways to make cars run on Jesus.
Then at last we’ll see some real money.