The Gift That Keeps on Taking

So I’m checking my credit card balance the other day (eep!) and I see this little gem in the “special offers” section:
Make someone smile. Add an authorized user to your account.

Aww, isn’t that sweet? Why not coax a smile out of someone just by GIVING THEM ACCESS TO YOUR CREDIT LINE. No biggie — it’s like a tall glass of lemonade on a hot summer’s day.

I have to say, if the best way to make your special someone smile is with plastic, it might be time to reconsider the relationship. Or at the very least, try a few alternatives first:

  • “Have you lost weight?”
  • “Let me do those dishes.”
  • “Why don’t you take the rest of the day off?”

Not, of course, that a credit card issuer is going to make any of those suggestions. If they were looking to be honest, they would have said so:
Make someone smile. Pay for their shit, too!

13 Responses to “The Gift That Keeps on Taking”

  1. Go My Brother! Says:

    I know that as your favorite sister I would definitely smile if you added me to your account. Especially when I have to get all this shit ready for the move. By the way… what are you doing that week?

    You know that you are my favorite older brother!!!

  2. Joel Says:

    So you don’t want to make me smile? God, what a dick! How inconsiderate!

  3. jsp Says:

    Damn, you’re right! Take this down, everyone: 4484 1927… oh, hang on — my iPhone’s ringing.

  4. Joel Says:

    Sure, get yourself an I–Phone, but when Matt and I want Smashing Pumpkins tickets for their October show in Minneapolis, you’re no help at all. This smile is, in fact, turning upside down.

    Confidential to mjg: SP in Twin Cities this October!

  5. Joel Says:

    jsp, it would make me smile if you could correct that spelling error. No, not that one, the “confidential” one. Thx in advance.

  6. Favorite Sister!!! Says:

    Still humming Umbrella? John, what has this world come to? Ella… ella… eh… eh… Dumb ass lyrics!

  7. Keef Says:

    Still humming Umbrella? John, what has this world come to? What a complete idiotic fat dumb ass … set of lyrics. Oh, and if this message looks like it’s insulting you on your main page, it’s completely accidental.

  8. mjg Says:

    Looks like jsp needs some help updating this page, so I’ll chat about SPumpkins. The SPumpkins added a one-night only gig in London mid-June at a small venue (2,000 tickets only), squeezing it in last minute between a bunch of European festivals. Four minutes before tickets went on sale I checked ticketmaster and nothing moving, so I loaded a world timeclock page and watched it count down. I checked again with two minutes to go as I was getting anxious and everything was sold out. Everything.

    Please come back Smashing Pumpkins!

  9. mjg Says:

    ps IFHBRC

  10. mjg Says:

    ACK! I can’t get that damn tune out of my head!! Prick.

  11. Joel Says:

    Hey, did you like Zeitgeist? There are at least 3 tunes on there that are catchier than Umbrella. I disapprove of the Paris Hilton in the liner notes/album art, though.

  12. mjg Says:

    Zeitgeist is good. I still need to give it a few more listens though. Thank goodness I don’t know the umbrella song – it sounds like quite the standard for comparison.

    JSP – I watched 36 last night and it reminded me of Babel.

  13. Go My Brother! Says:

    PLEASE UPDATE! Seriously, you so need to update this site.

Hit Me With It