I’m Really Not Patriotic, But…

…there’s something about Canadians.

Canadian: You know, Canadian Bacon was made by Canadians*, but Americans never get it.
I: Oh?
Canadian: Yeah, it was made by Canadians to mock American stereotypes of Canada. Then they put John Candy — who everyone thinks is American — in it, so America would just think it was mocking Canada, when really it was mocking Americans.
I: I see.
( later… )
I: Of course, just for the record, when you have a country that has 9 people for every 1 of yours and said country spends more money on weapons than every other nation in the world combined, and the only thing that separates you from them is the world’s largest undefended border, well, you have to realize that it would take about 45 minutes to annex you.
( pause )
Canadian: We burned down the White House, you know.
I: Two hundred years ago. Try it now, bitch.

* Not actually true, as far as I can tell.

4 Responses to “I’m Really Not Patriotic, But…”

  1. JC Says:

    ahh one slight jobe from a Canadian and its enough to bring out the Bush in even the most peaceful American

  2. mjg Says:

    Despite nearly living on the border with Canada most of my life I still only associate it with maple leaves and irrelevance.

  3. JC Says:

    P.S. please forgive my incredible ignorance of North American history but when did Canada burn down the whitehouse?

  4. Joel Says:

    The War of 1812, which happened between 1812 and 1814. It’s also known as the War where a warmongering party leading the U.S. thought it could kick Britain in the ass while Britain and the rest of Europe was preoccupied with Napoleon. So we won a few quick sea and land battles. Then Napoleon lost at Waterloo. Uh-oh. Are those men marching on Washington wearing redcoats?

    This was back in the days when wars were settled by protracted peace summits and face-saving surrender conditions, so nowadays plenty of Americans think that we won that War, if we think about it at all.

    Matt: I’m only a few miles closer to Canada than you were, but I can only add the Kids in the Hall, Cerebus, and metropolitan stunt doubles for New York City to your list. Oh, and not having nuclear weapons…or is that redundant with “irrelevance”?

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