The War on Cheeseburger Choice

Ladies and gentlemen, be on your guard. There are special interest groups and bureaucrats who are trying to take away one of our most sacred, fundamental freedoms: the right to order a fast-food burger prepared how we like it. It’s terrifying but true.

That’s why we, your friends at Wendy’s, have struck a blow for consumer choice*! Yes, at any Wendy’s you can order a burger just how you like it (except for how done you like it — oh, and no exotic cheeses.) To celebrate this industry first, we’re running ads including “Your Way“, with our thrilled customers listing the varied ways that they order their burgers, and who can forget our “Satisfaction” spot based on the Benny Benassi song you may recognize as from the bikini-clad chicks with power-tools video. Choose whichever ad you think best symbolizes this revolution!

Now, true, some naysayers feel that our “choice” campaign isn’t original. They point out that BK ran campaigns including 1974’s “Have It Your Way”, 1987’s “We Do It Like You Do It”, 1991’s “Your Way, Right Away”, 1999’s “When You Have It Your Way It Just Tastes Better”, the 2002-03 “AT BK, YOU GOT IT!” run, and their effort from 2004 to present, “HAVE IT YOUR WAY®.” (To say nothing of McD’s “What You Want is What You Get.”) But at Wendy’s, we’re different because we say “Do What Tastes Right. Do Wendy’s.”

Did you catch that “Do”? How edgy are we? Watch out for XBurgers!

(*Or, as BK puts it, “customer empowerment.” See this HBS article, which includes BK’s marketing chief saying “Knowledge, in my view, is something you’re always looking to shatter.”)

One Response to “The War on Cheeseburger Choice”

  1. awarren Says:

    …As long as you don’t “Do” tomatoes…

    In the last month, Wendy’s stores (in CO, at least) have added new small signs telling customers that tomatoes are only available upon request (blaming Florida hurricanes, which i would guess happened longer-ago than the time it takes to grow the fruit, yet ignoring the large number of US tomatoes imported from Mexico).

    Where are the signs you may wonder? At the entrance to the drive-through lane? No. At the Order-Menu-Board? No. At Window #1? No. Alas, the fucking signs don’t appear until Window #2, when you’re being handed your bag-o-food.

    Were he alive, this bullshit would have killed poor Dave Thomas. Unfortunately, it was his cheeseburgers what did that. 🙂

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