Unfaithfully Yours

Awhile ago, Kottke posted about a set of greeting cards, a representative example of which appears below:

Illustration of topless woman and open-shirted man kissing

Card text:

Cover
You are the one I never thought existed…My soulmate…

Inside
I had no idea how much my life could change when I met you…a once in a lifetime love. We finally found each other, but our commitments to our other lives keep us apart. You are a part of everything that I think and do and feel… with you by my side I believe that anything is possible.

No matter what the future brings…I know that you are the one true and real love of my life.

I can’t imagine a deeper love with anyone else.

Catch that “our other lives” bit? This card (“Passion”) is from the “Secret Lover Collection” of cards specifically for people having affairs.

I’m no prude, but this whole concept drives me crazy. I would be crushed if I was in what I thought was a loving relationship only to find out my partner had been calling someone else “the one true and real” love the whole time (and using pre-printed cards to do it — how tacky.)

But maybe these cards are for those people who are stepping out due to deterioriating marriages or other lousy primary relationships. If that’s the case, all the more reason to cut the cord. For those who say their religion doesn’t allow it, I say: time to find a new one.

In fact, time for anyone who has reason to use these cards to quit being a fucking coward.

3 Responses to “Unfaithfully Yours”

  1. john Says:

    ew ew ew. that card is just tacky (as is anyone who would ever even consider sending it)

  2. The Titillated Mr Pech Says:

    Is that a NIPPLE?!! Sweet.

    Though seriously which would be worse A: Finding out your SO was sending a card like this to somebody or B: Finding out your SO is so clearly lacking a crap detector?

    Seriously that drivel is like something from the all time worst rejected romance novels department at Harlequin.

  3. moogsyqueefbone Says:

    ew, and it uses that crappy soulmate, destiny crap language too.
    i also like how there’s cards for all occasions
    sorry, goodbye, sexy
    it’s so wrong.

    i’ll post some of my housemate’s, friend’s mum’s poetry later. she’s self publishing (and shouldn’t be).
    it’s gagalicious.

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